I’m happy to help.
Good luck with proxmox and selfhosting.

It took some time as i had to find a moment to translate my notes.
I did my best with formatting but for some reason new paragraphs aren’t a thing i can get working in an untiered list in a lemmy comment 🤷
I presume some basic knowledge of linux and how to install an OS on a machine, but i’ve tried to add every single step with commands.
If anybody knows an easier way or have any comments regarding this, feel free to educate me.

Here is the way i installed it:

Switching the kernel:

• Install default debian bookworm without desktop environment, but with “standard systems utilities” and “ssh server”
  • Don’t forget to LUKS it, or else you could have just used the proxmox iso 😉
  • SSH server could probably be omitted if everything is done directly on the machine, but i wanted it so i could copy/paste commands
• Boot and log in as root
• Check /etc/hosts and change the ip in front of the hostname to the static ip of the machine
• Check with hostname --ip-address, it should return the ip-address
• Add proxmox repo with echo "deb [arch=amd64] http://download.proxmox.com/debian/pve bookworm pve-no-subscription" > /etc/apt/sources.list.d/pve-install-repo.list
• Add proxmox key with wget https://enterprise.proxmox.com/debian/proxmox-release-bookworm.gpg -O /etc/apt/trusted.gpg.d/proxmox-release-bookworm.gpg
• Run apt update && apt full-upgrade
• Install proxmox kernel with apt install proxmox-default-kernel
• Restart with systemctl reboot
• NOTE: The machine will boot and get stuck on loading initial ramdisk, type in the LUKS key and press enter despite not getting a prompt

Installing the packages

• Install Proxmox packages with apt install proxmox-ve postfix open-iscsi chrony
  • Postfix needs to be configured, if no mailserver choose local only and let system name stay as default
• Remove debian kernel with apt remove linux-image-amd64 'linux-image-6.1
• Update and check grub config with update-grub
  • Seems redundant, because i think it does this by it self when running the command above
• If proxmox is the only OS, remove os-proper with apt remove os-prober
  • This gave me an error about it not being empty, but it fixed itselv after a reboot
• I think a reboot is needed here, but i honestly don’t remember. If in doubt run systemctl reboot

Adding SSH access for root user
It’s easier to copy/paste commands, this requires SSH access to the server
This can be done at any point. I did it as soon as i installed debian, and then removed it as i booted into proxmox

• Edit /etc/ssh/sshd_config with nano /etc/ssh/sshd_config
• Around line 32 find #PermitRootLogin without-password and make en new line below it and write PermitRootLogin yes.
  • The commented line can be edited but i find it easier to add the line as it needs to be removed again later
• Restart the SSH server with /etc/init.d/ssh restart
• When done with copy/pasting the commands it’s better to remove root SSH access again, this is done by removing the line that was added above

Removing debian user
This removes the user that was made as part of installing debian. It can probably be used, but i found it better to add all needed users once i got in to proxmox instead the [username] of course needs to be changed out for the username you used when you installed debian.

• Log in to the terminal as root
• Find the list of users with grep ‘users’ /etc/group
• Use deluser [username] to remove the user

I have a luks encrypted proxmox machine.
And the easiest way i found to do it was to install debian with full disk encryption and then doing some magic to swap the kernel from debian to proxmox.
Or that’s what i think i did at least. I’m no linux magician, i just use it.
On another server i use dropbear to unlock LUKS over ssh. Those two things should be easy to combine.
I took meticulous notes, so i should be able to give you some direction to go if you need some help and can’t find a decent guide out there.

Sorry for the late response, the thunder app doesn’t give me notifications. 😅

It really depends on your usage.
/e/os feels more polished in general, but widgets are only available in a drawer when you swipe to the left from the home screen and there’s no app drawer, so everything needs to be on your home screen.
And the settings seems more convoluted and hidden, not quite apple like, but a bit less usable than stock android. Iodé has more of a stock android feel, but i’ve also encountered more bugs in it in general.

Most of my gripes with /e/os could be fixed by installing a different launcher as others in the thread have mentioned. And that would make it the best imo.

As far as banking apps and such i haven’t had any major issues. Only some government apps that require chrome to log in. So i downloaded chrome, logged in, and removed it again.
I still use google maps and it works flawlessly without login.
I don’t use any social media apps (unless you count lemmy).

Edit: aæAlso in regards to adblocking they’re on par.
I haven’t had any more ads in apps or in browser with either of them.

Edit2: The appstore on /e/os is a bit funky and i personally am not a fan.
I can’t seem to manually search for updates.
Theres google play store and regular fdroid repo and no way to add more, so you’re limited if you e.g use custom fdroid repos.
You can’t get a list of installed apps, so you have to go to settings for that.
You can’t use in app purchases (but that’s true for all degoogled appstores afaik).
You should be able to get paid apps, but you have to buy them in google play store and then log in to /e/os app store with that gmail to get it, but rumor is google might ban your mail for doing it.
On iodé it is possible to remove every app, even the preinstalled required apps like phone and files. I really miss that feature.

I have a fairphone 5 running /e/os, and my previous phone was a galaxy S9+ running IodéOS.
Unfortunately i don’t have time to write a whole review for you, but if anyone have any specific questions about either i’d be happy to answer them when i get time.